We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this will be a night to untag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
