I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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