She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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