You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
