i don't plan on having that self control this summer
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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