She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
