Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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