I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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