Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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