Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
