you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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