Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
