I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
