Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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