I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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