Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
