This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
