i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
