im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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