dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
