he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
