I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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