Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
