i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
