I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm too high and old for this...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
