last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
