'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
