Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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