Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
