dude i'm inner monologue high
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
