The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
