3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
