At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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