Tell her she can't have a vagina
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
