WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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