And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
