yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
