I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
