Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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