I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
