there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
