went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
