hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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