I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i love accidental penises.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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