Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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