She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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