I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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