Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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