i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
