he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize