i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
