would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
