Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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