someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
