I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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