Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
