I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
home. puking in laundry basket.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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