I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize