I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
