i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
