I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
