She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
