I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He felt like a one man threesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I want a musical about memes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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