tell your sister to shave her snatch
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
