I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
