Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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