I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
