I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
