i jhust puked up my retainher.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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