Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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