I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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