I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
