Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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