hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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